Traditional coaching models are based almost exclusively on questioning, listening and reflecting which gives the client space and time to explore and discover themselves. Clients can work through ideas and come up with possible strategies to help them overcome their barriers and reach their goals. They can also recognise their strengths, reframe unhelpful beliefs and look at things from a different perspective.
During my coaching and mentoring training it was made very clear that as coaches we do not give advice or make suggestions, and that every idea and strategy comes from within the client. This works extremely well for most kinds of coaching, but when we are working with neurodivergent clients it may not be enough.
My approach is a little different. While questioning, listening and reflecting are key to my coaching, I realised very quickly that I also need (with the clients permission) to share information about the condition and make suggestions about possible tried and tested strategies that other people with ADHD use. It is clear that it could take weeks for a client to come up with an idea that already exists and is common knowledge in the neurodivergent community. Signposting to reliable information about their condition and guidance around strategies is welcomed and appreciated.
Furthermore, when I am working with clients with autism, wide open questions are not always appropriate. A person with autism might panic, feel on the spot or worry about what the questioner wants to hear or what is the right answer. My questions need a lot more direction to make the client feel safe and supported.
I was feeling uncomfortable and even guilty about straying from the received wisdom of traditional coaching. I took this guilty feeling to supervision and my supervisor told me about the directive non-directive continuum model of coaching. I realised that this was the approach I had been taking without knowing that a legitimate model existed, and I was very relieved. By working back and forth along the directive non-directive continuum we can make use of the three elements of ADHD coaching – questioning, listening, reflecting; advice and guidance; and psychoeducation.
As a supervisor, coaches are telling me that when they are working with ADHD, autistic or other neurodivergent clients, they sometimes give advice and guidance or information about established resources, tools and techniques. These can help with executive function, emotional dysregulation and other traits that are so hard to manage for people with ADHD. They often feel guilty and worried that they are ‘doing it wrong.’ When I tell them about the ADHD Coaching Triangle they often say they feel relieved and validated, and that their instincts are not wrong. They are pleased that they are not alone in adapting and adding to traditional practices to make coaching work for the neurodivergent community.
You can hear my recent LinkedIn Live talking about the ADHD Coaching Triangle here https://www.linkedin.com/events/coachingandneurodiversity7195647265342959616/theater
